I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
