dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
