During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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