So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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