I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
third nipple confirmed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
