my mouth tastes like poor choices
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
