i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
