i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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