guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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