great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
