Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
