If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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