You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
