dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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