I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
a search helicopter?!
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she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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