My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
