I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
