im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
