She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Come on in and take your pants off
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