Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
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Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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