I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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