in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
