don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
