So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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