sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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