I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize