Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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