i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
