I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
