I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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