I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My butt remains clenched, sir.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
