Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He did a backflip because drugs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
