Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
