Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
