I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
