I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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