if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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