he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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