Duck Duck Cougar?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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