A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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