I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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