you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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