well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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