grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
