I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
