i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
sex in a hospital.. check
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
