i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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