Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
