She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Someone shattered a urinal.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
