WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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