The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
