remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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