I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
