the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
