good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
