I'm gonna have a badass scar
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
