Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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