Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
