3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
