Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
