There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
