in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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