well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think brook has ever known best
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
