i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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