So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
