I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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