i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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