dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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