Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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