I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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