forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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