Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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