i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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