She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
