The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
